Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
