people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
