This girl is more easily done than said...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
