saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
