Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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