he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
