Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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