Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
