he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
