That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
