I can't breathe out the right side of my face
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
