If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
