I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
