so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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