I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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