Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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