she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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