I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
