Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
