pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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