so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
