Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize