How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
