Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
