I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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