So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
