Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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