his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
