She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
