Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
