That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
