Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
