So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
