Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
