Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
