SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
There's always time for handjobs
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
