that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She's the barista slut.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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