I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
