p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
