I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
