Your mouth is God's brothel.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
