Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
