You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
