i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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