Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
