Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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