sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
