people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
