Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
