And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
