The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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