"it" just moved
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
